I'm really bummed that I have a piece of shit camera. It makes my pictures supppper grainy for no good reason. I want to take lots of pictures of Eli in action. But the only time I get good clear pictures is when I use my dads camera. And he HATES it when i use his stuff. So I hardly take good pictures of my fast-growing-son. It makes me want to cry. The only decent pictures I get lately is from my iPhone...
I also totally regret not taking many pictures his first month of life. I guess the days just flew by. I stayed by his side 24/7 watching him sleep so peacfully.
I realize that the next couple months are truly the last months of him being a full baby. He'll start walking... and communicating.. Like big kids do. I'm soaking in my snuggle bear. Day by day. The time flew so fast.
But everyday I love him more then I did yesterday.
So i'm totally motivated to study my ass off for this exam to get into college. Because with my school grants I want to buy a Cannon Rebel. <3
Lately I've just been trying to pull my head out of the clouds.
Watch Tv less.
I'm trying so harrrrrd to be the person I know I can be. But it's freaking hard.
And well, I've been at my brothers house for a while. He's starting basic training for the Air force soon. So I know the opportunity to just go over Vaughans house and hang out with him like old times, any time I want.... is probably going to end soon. It's kind of sad that our whole lives we never said "I love you" or hugged. We hated each other up until I got pregnant and stopped being a selfish bitch. So now whenever I hug him, I squeeze a little bit tighter and feel a lot less awkward. Because... well he's my brother. And their is just somethings that no one will understand but him. I hope we always stay close. No matter how far the air force takes him.