Sunday, February 13, 2011

Late night thoughts.

I hate these nights when I can't fall asleep because a million things are on my mind. Thank goodness for some blog-therapy.
First, I need to be more comfortable in my skin. I'm totally insecure. It's kind of pathetic. I can't even handle people staring at me. One time I completely turned around and went back home because I couldn't walk across the street at a stoplight. I thought every single one of those cars would stare at me as I walked across. What the hell, Amadeus? That's a bit nuts. I think this insecurity is deeply rooted in side me. When I was in school, kids were little devils. Everyone always made fun of my pale skin or they would so bluntly point out ever flaw on my face. Well this is what I have to say to them now... I'm porcelain, NOT PALE! This is the way I was born and that sucks you don't like it. I am who I am and I need to embrace it.
With that being said, I'm going to start taking more pictures of Eli and myself together. Maybe. 
Second, Child support court is on Thursday. YES, THURSDAY. I'm nervous as hell. My stomach turns in knots just to think about seeing whats-his-face again. I haven't seen him in over a year. I just might jump across the room and try to choke him.. Please please please send me all your good thoughts. Pray that whatever happens, is for the best for Eli. Cross your fingers that mr.low-life-asshole doesn't get any visitation. 

Oh and have a wonderful Valentines day with all the lovely people in your life.

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