After going back and reading some of my posts, I can't help but notice how immature my writing is. I hardly ever sit down and think about what I want to say and how I should formate my sentences. I just simply blurt exactly whats in my brain. 85% of the time I have no idea what I'll blog about until I sit down and stare at the blank page.

 I hear my dad telling his girlfriend on the phone to go look up my blog. *gulp*

I should of planned better. I should of changed my grammar errors. I shouldn't of talked about... that.

this is meee!. Looks just like Eli, dontchathink?!!

I'm really bummed that I have a piece of shit camera. It makes my pictures supppper grainy for no good reason. I want to take lots of pictures of Eli in action. But the only time I get good clear pictures is when I use my dads camera. And he HATES it when i use his stuff. So I hardly take good pictures of my fast-growing-son. It makes me want to cry. The only decent pictures I get lately is from my iPhone...
I also totally regret not taking many pictures his first month of life. I guess the days just flew by. I stayed by his side 24/7 watching him sleep so peacfully.
I realize that the next couple months are truly the last months of him being a full baby. He'll start walking... and communicating.. Like big kids do. I'm soaking in my snuggle bear. Day by day. The time flew so fast.

But everyday I love him more then I did yesterday.

So i'm totally motivated to study my ass off for this exam to get into college. Because with my school grants I want to buy a Cannon Rebel. <3

Lately I've just been trying to pull my head out of the clouds.

Curse less.
Clean more.
Sit less.
Read more.
Watch Tv less.
Learn more.
Excersize more.
Cook more.

I'm trying so harrrrrd to be the person I know I can be. But it's freaking hard.


And well, I've been at my brothers house for a while. He's starting basic training for the Air force soon. So I know the opportunity to just go over Vaughans house and hang out with him like old times, any time I want.... is probably going to end soon. It's kind of sad that our whole lives we never said "I love you" or hugged. We hated each other up until I got pregnant and stopped being a selfish bitch. So now whenever I hug him, I squeeze a little bit tighter and feel a lot less awkward. Because... well he's my brother. And their is just somethings that no one will understand but him. I hope we always stay close. No matter how far the air force takes him.