I remember one night when Eli fell asleep in his crib. I felt comfortable enough for the first time since he was born to be free. I practically skipped outside, took a deep breath soaking in every bit of Independence. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and for once i had nothing to worry about but myself. Well.. that is... Until I got back inside and found Eli whining for his mama.
The absolute hardest part about being a single parent, for me, is the single part. Each new milestone Eli accomplishes, every little noise, and cute face he makes, only means the world to me. No one else. I have no one to share the "awe" of being a new parent with. It breaks my heart that Eli only has one parent to watch him grow.
This is definitely not the way things were intended to go. It's like riding a bicycle, when in fact you need to be riding a tricycle. You need that extra back wheel just in case you start losing control.
The reason I'm not sad or miserable is simply because I know that when the time is right, I'll have a husband and a father for my kids. :)
Till' then.. This shit is hard.