Single parenting.

You have to be a pretty strong individual to be able to be a single parent without going completely insane from the lack of support. You don't really get the full idea of what it's like to raise a baby by yourself unless you do it 24 hours a day, 7 days of the week. Every opportunity I see for someone else to hold Eli, I jump on it. You don't realize how great it feels to do the simplest things without having someone on your hip until you hardly ever get the chance. Every waking moment Eli is at least 15 feet from me. Every baby does tend to tie you down, but not like this.

I remember one night when Eli fell asleep in his crib. I felt comfortable enough for the first time since he was born to be free. I practically skipped outside, took a deep breath soaking in every bit of Independence. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and for once i had nothing to worry about but myself. Well.. that is... Until I got back inside and found Eli whining for his mama.

The absolute hardest part about being a single parent, for me, is the single part. Each new milestone Eli accomplishes, every little noise, and cute face he makes, only means the world to me. No one else. I have no one to share the "awe" of being a new parent with. It breaks my heart that Eli only has one parent to watch him grow. 

This is definitely not the way things were intended to go. It's like riding a bicycle, when in fact you need to be riding a tricycle. You need that extra back wheel just in case you start losing control.

The reason I'm not sad or miserable is simply because I know that when the time is right, I'll have a husband and a father for my kids. :)

Till' then.. This shit is hard.